I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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