i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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