Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Randomize
