she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
