My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
