laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
