Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
