I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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