would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
