He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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