im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
