i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
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