Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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