I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
