I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
