4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
