i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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