So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize