At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
