You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have fence marks all over my body
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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