sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Shame - the story of my life.
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