you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
