I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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