When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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