Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You were trust falling into bushes
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
