Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
