break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
