she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
