Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
