the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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