just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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