Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Even my vagina gasped.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
