you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
