My sheets look like a crime scene.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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