Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
