Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So many bounce houses so little time
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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