possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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