My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
