so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
