Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
