We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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