Dual....:-)
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
