Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
