very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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