Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
