if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
