just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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