Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
