I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
