Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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