Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
