Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
