I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
