Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
