Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
