come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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