Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
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