im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
