Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
