she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
