a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
zippers are such a cool invention
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
