i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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