I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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