Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
