After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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