i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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