I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
