isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
