Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
