i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
