I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
