I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
only you would photoshop your dick
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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