i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
