Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
