you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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