he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
