grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
